Fuck YOU, dial-up

You can't do anything with it but fail all day long. No music, no videos, no games, no shit no nothing. Check email, and maybe read news headlines is about all you can do when dial-up is your door man to the internet.

If you even try to indulge yourself in any of the GOOD stuff the internet has to offer then be prepared for an ass raping good time, or a whole lot of this:

Now a sixty-year-old doesn't complain about dial-up because it's the right amount of internet speed that allows them to work crossword puzzles while their favorite page of antiques, gardens, and pets-wearing-sweaters page loads; oh, and checking their email to see if their kids bothered to remember them that month.

Being geriatric is a perfect comparison to dial-up. It's all about getting nowhere slow, and sputtering out half the fucking time trying, and ultimately just giving up.

But I ain't 60, and dial-up is shitting all over my powers of multitasking that allow me to surf porn, play video games, listen to music, and watch retards and their stupid videos on Youtube all at the same time; so, fuck you, dial-up, and fuck all the corporations and bureaucracy that are impeding the jury that should have sentenced your sorry ass to oblivion and death 10 years ago.