Chilean miners gave me cancer

What's more boring than 70 days worth of news updates about 33 miners trapped in a Chilean mine? A shitty ass two hour movie about it. Now I'm just speculating, of course, but the idea has been reported in the news, and it makes me fucking cringe.

33 Irritating Douchebags: The Movie

The only, and I mean the ONE AND ONLY, interesting thing about the entire ordeal came about when it was revealed that one of the miners had a mistress waiting for his dumb ass on the surface along with his wife, and I'm pretty sure that dude volunteered to leave the mine last, probably mumbling something about needing to turn off the lights and sweep the floor. Everything else was "who gives a fuck?" information.

Anyways, I ain't spending two hours of my life watching a movie about 33 morons trapped in a hole. It'll contain a lot of silly references to God, family, and praying, and that shit's for retards and boneheads.

So, Chile, get your shit together. I don't wanna see anymore shit about miners surviving 70 days in a hole clogging up my fucking news. Next time they better all be killed or cannibalized. Otherwise, keep it a secret from the world, you turds. It ain't interesting.